No Braver
by Erin Giles
Summary: Set after Season 7, during season 5 of Angel. Giles has a visitor in the middle of the night who is nothing more than a man.


It didn't take long before all the walls came tumbling down. After everything he's been through, he's surprised it didn't happen sooner. Fred was the last straw though. He lost her and his sanity went with. He finds it strange that he's on this man's doorstep though, rain soaking him to the skin. He remembers some distant relatives voice telling him it runs off when it gets to the skin.

He knocks a second time at the door as rain runs off the end of his nose and he starts to shiver. He doesn't know what time it is, and he has no idea how long he has been walking. He wasn't even sure if he could find the place, but he did, and here he is, cold, wet and emotionally numb.

A bleary eyed man answers the door, squinting out into the rain, "Have you any idea what time it, good god, Wesley!" Giles eyes suddenly go wide as he catches sight of a soaked Wesley stood on his doorstep at 3am in the morning. He steps aside without another word, ushering Wesley into the house.

"Good God man, your soaking." Giles says as he gestures towards the couch, disappearing down the hall to the bathroom Wesley presumes to fetch a towel. Giles returns with a couple of bath towels and a dry t-shirt and jogger bottoms, only to find that Wesley hasn't moved from the couple of inches he's set foot inside the house.

"I'm sorry Giles, I didn't know where, who, I could, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…" Wesley turns to leave, suddenly reconsidering coming this far only to seek some solace and peace, and to find someone who will listen to him without judging eyes, and who hopefully will have the compassion to understand and comfort him now that the walls are all but gone.

He doesn't get a chance to reconsider though, the older gentleman has already stopped him from exiting again and is leading him to the couch with a gentle guiding hand. Unfortunately it is at this point that all four walls come crashing down.

Wesley doesn't even realise he's sobbing until Giles stops and turns to him. Dry heaving sobs rack his body before tears start to roam freely down his cheeks. He doesn't expect what comes next, doesn't expect the older man to embrace him tightly as Wesley clings on for dear life, his legs failing beneath him as they both come crashing to the floor, Giles supporting him as he continues to cry. He cries for everything, for all the times he has been unable to cry because he could not, would not.

He cries for the time when he lost his pet hamster; he cries for when his grandmother died; he cries for when he was bullied in school, and for the bullies alike; he cries for Faith and the unspeakable things she did, not only to him but others; he cries for the time he lost Virginia because she couldn't bare to see him hurt; he cries for Conner, for the loss of friends, and lovers; he cries for Jasmine, wishing now he could get that feeling of eternal happiness back, even if it be false, it is still something; he cries for Cordelia and he cries for Fred.

Giles doesn't say anything, only holds him as he cries, cries so hard Giles thinks he may make himself ill, but he doesn't. He stops eventually, too tired to cry anymore as he collapses in Giles arms.

Giles continues to hold him, rocking him like a child for a moment before he starts to shift. Giles helps him to sit and without any words passing between them Giles helps him out of his wet clothes and into the dry ones he has already brought.

Wesley sits on the couch shivering while Giles makes them a cup of tea. When he returns he hands Wesley the cup of tea before taking the throw from the back of sofa and wrapping it round the shivering Wesley.

"I'm so sorry Giles," Wesley sniffs, barely audible as he stares into his cup of tea, wishing he could drown himself in it, "I didn't know where else, I had, no one would understand except," Wesley looks up at Giles, crystal blue eyes sunken and hollow, a shadow of their former self, and Giles doesn't need Wesley's bumbling words to understand that he's lost everything.

"It's alright, you can stay here as long as you like." Giles reassures him, rubbing his back.

"It's just one thing after another, and they don't… I'm just a man. I'm only human, Giles." Wesley says looking intently at Giles. "I wouldn't wish the things that have happened to me, the things I have seen and done on my worst of enemies, and I've just reached the point that…" Wesley goes silent, staring down into his cup of tea again.

"Every man has his limits Wesley, and no man should have to carry the burdens he carries alone, especially in our line of work." Giles sipped at his warm tea as Wesley did the same. Giles watched him for a moment, "In the same breath I can also say that every hero has his limits too, for he is only a man, and even men are allowed to fall." Wesley watched Giles for a long moment, blue eyes fixated on green before he started to talk, started to tell Giles things he had never told anyone else. Told him of them time little Billy Wallace had thrown his tin soldiers over the fence which is why he had hit him; told him about how scared he had been when he had first been assigned to Faith; told him what Faith had done to him that night; told him that he had loved Lilah; how lost and alone he had felt when his friends had abandoned him, how hurt he had been that they would not allow him to tell them his side of things.

Dawn was breaking before Wesley finally finished pouring his heart out to a man he had never truly got to know. There seemed to be an understanding silence before Wesley pulled himself tiredly to his feet, shaking as he stood there.

"I should really be going. I'm sorry for taking up your time Giles, I really," Wesley was cut short by Giles, also bringing himself to his feet.

"Shut up!" Giles said firmly, looking into Wesley bloodshot eyes, "For god sake man take some time for yourself. You've just spent the last three hours on my sofa pouring your heart out, which in my opinion is long overdue." Giles voice softed, "Please, at least stay the day, get some sleep before you drive back to LA. As you said yourself you are only human."

Wesley's shoulders slumped resignedly as Giles put a hand on his shoulder, guiding him towards the stairs, "You can sleep in my bed. I'll be out most of the morning but I'll be back about one o'clock if you would like to have a late lunch together?" Wesley nodded, smiling slightly before he dragged his feet up the stairs and disappeared out of sight.

When Giles returned in the afternoon, grocery bag in hand, prepared to make a good old fashioned Sunday dinner he found Wesley gone. The only sign that he had been there was a note on the fridge that read, _"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."_


End file.
